May mga posts lately about sa middle children and how heavy it is to be one.

Hindi ko sure kung totoo ang middle child syndrome or if pseudoscience lang yon pero legit, mahirap maging middle child.

Growing up, nasanay ako na lolo ko lang yung malambing sa akin. But that's only because ako yung nauutusan nya to do errands. Favorite ni nanay at lola si kuya, favorite ni tatay at ng mga tito si bunso. 'Diba, sa kangkungan ako pupulutin nyan.

I thought if I do good sa academics magiging goods kami ni nanay. I mean, she's literally a genius. Mataas IQ n'ya. So I thought kung magiging achiever ako, baka cool kami. Eh kaso bonak ako, honor lang, but not first honor unlike our bunso na consistent first honor.

I've basically lived my whole childhood trying to prove myself sa parents ko. Something na I thought normal lang gawin until my last high school year na narealize ko: bakit kailangan kong i-prove sarili ko sa OWN parents ko?

I did so much, as in. I learned art, music, I taught myself how to do household chores, I did good sa acads kahit hindi ako yung pinaka magaling sa grade level ko. Kaso wala talaga eh. Kaya right before mag college ako, I dropped everything and I focused on doing things for myself na lang.

Syempre sinabi ng nanay ko, paulit ulit, na she loved us all. Pero palaging may kulang for me. I mean, imagine ah. Birthday ko and nag request ako ng violin, tapos pagdating sa bahay naging keyboard (piano) na kasi sabi ng bunso mas gusto nya yun. EH BIRTHDAY KO YUN AH

Pero I grew up with this kind of living eh. Nakasanayan ko na, hindi na rin ako nagrereklamo. Para akong inexpose sa independent living ng pagiging middle child ko. In truth, I don't know shit. Minsan naiiyak na lang ako kapag obligated ako to do things on my own. Gusto ko ng comfort, gusto ko ng kasama, gusto ko ng support. Mahirap mag isa.

Behind the glory of independence lies the truth na sobrang hirap nang mag isa ka lang.

Now that lola and nanay's gone, ako na yung tumayong mother of the house. And I'm glad pa rin, somehow, na natuto ako na maging independent dahil alam ko yung dapat gawin to help the family.