I just wanna let this off my chest for now so I might delete this later

Yes you're reading it right. The reason behind the 2 million was because that's what my mom spent for my education from nursery up to college. Every centavo she spent it to finish my studies and basically bring me to where I am right now. I thought that when I graduate college my problems would be gone...well I was wrong. I had so many regrets or failed goals which hunted me real bad. I didn't do well throughout my student life and I feel like I don't deserve it. Don't get me wrong I did finish college on time and didn't fail a subject but I felt like I could've done more. I wish I could've made her hard work a little more worth it. Considering now that I am working, I just felt like I won't be able to grow big in this life. I feel like a worthless man in the eyes of society. So that's why I had that thought so that her hard work won't at least be a waste..

But then I changed mind.

My mom is getting older and there are signs of her health not going well (thankfully it's nothing serious). That gave me a wake up call that I have to be the stronger person now as an adult. That's why I changed my mind for saving that money not to end my life but as an act of gratitude for my mom who made me to be the person I am right now which is her loving son.