I'm not expecting guys I met online to take me seriously and be in a relationship with me. Ang gusto ko lang naman is gawin nila yung mga bagay na sinabi nilang gagawin nila before the hook up. Ang kinasasama lang kasi ng loob ko is di naman ako nag iinitiate ng hookup, just a normal casual conversation or hangout. Mas okay na lang na yayain agad ako ng sex kesa yayayain ako sa wholesome date na di naman nangyayari. Atleast I know what to expect. They usually got me kapag sinasabing sasamahan nila ako to tour around or lulutuan akong food or kakain kami sa labas. Tho at the back of my mind alam kong may possible mangyari pero atleast do what they promised, or like giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Maybe masyado akong nagtitiwala? I still hold on their words. Pero got disappointed and left hanging after nila makuha gusto nila. And now I find it hard trusting people, what makes them different from the previous guys I have met? Or maybe hanggang dito lang ako? Dont i deserve to be treated right?

I know most of you will say na ang easy to get ko kasi, bakit ko binigay agad. I know my fault, pero I had this thing that they might just leave me if I dont give them what they want. Maybe i'm too much of a people pleaser or whatever you call it. I know I need to set boundaries. I just realized that no matter if you set boundaries or not, they will leave you eventually. Makuha man nila o hindi yung gusto nila, aalis na sila. And it's my lost since I gave something to them and never receive anything in return even just a slight respect or empathy.

Sorry if magulo, I just want to get this out of my mind since i'm on my breaking point.