*used the term "gay" as an umbrella term for my sexuality, i'm still not sure what to label myself

I've only dated girls before. my last "failed situationship" prompted me to go back to dating apps again. i always set my preference to women, but one time sinet ko to everyone, just to see if I'd ever match with a guy. and i did, with this metalhead drummer boy.

at first hindi ako ganon ka responsive sa kanya, but when hours would pass na hindi ako nag rereply, he would ping me. days or weeks after, we soon exchanged socials.

since we're both "amateur musicians," he proposed the idea that we should do a collab. i immediately agreed because i always wanted to have a musician friend i could jam along with. soon after we both finished recording our parts, he then suggested that we should meet and record the vocals in his home studio. that was our first "date" na rin.

i was reluctant at first. but spending some nights playing games with him and his friends, also by judging him from his online activities, i assumed he's okay. litmus test ko if he is homophobic, hindi naman. takot pa ko maglaro with his friends at first because u know how toxic straight men in online spaces can get. but it turns out, i played with his gay and women friends. he kinda earned my trust.

the other day, we had our first date. recording went smooth and fast. since we had time to spare, we went out to grab dinner. for the first time naging passenger princess ako after being the driver most of the time. habang sa byahe, he introduced me more to metal songs and bands. the most notable thing during that ride was that he awkwardly and respectfully asked me if he could hold my hand, to which i agreed. ramdam ko na he was kinda nervous while he was slightly caressing my hand.

he was a sweet guy. he wanted to hold my hand in public but i asked him not to dahil baka may makakita sa akin (i explained that it's not that im embarrassed of him but bc of other reasons and he agreed naman).

i contemplated about that day on my way home when we parted ways. to be honest, im not sure what to feel. maybe naninibago lang because it's a first time with a guy. im not sure if kinilig ako, but am i supposed to feel that on a first date? karamihan ba ng mga lalaki ay ganto gumawa ng "moves"? to straight girls, is this what it's like to have a first date with a guy?

I'm not gonna lie, he's a cute guy. i swiped right on him for a reason. i am attracted to him. but i'm not sure if i can pursue anything more than friends yet. is this something i have to figure out along the way?

ayun lang, gusto ko lang maikwento since i have never told my friends about this.