Hey. It's me again. I'm sorry if magkukwento na naman ako and share about my how my day went. Kauuwi ko lang.

On the third day, our Supervisor told me na mag solo flight na raw ako starting tomorrow or next week. Which is in no way, shape or form na magiging ready ako. I'm still trying to reel in the new work environment and schedule on the past three days, to no avail.

I bike pauwi. Nasa gitna na ako ng biyahe. Napatigil ako saglit.

I'm thinking about me. On where I am now. I'm still lost. Is this the work that I wanted or envisioned it to be? I am so disappointed and sad with myself.

I'm still trying to find words on how to tell HR that I won't be able to come tomorrow dahil sa pagod of two straight days of forced 12 hour shifts plus pagsosolohin na ako next week. Something in me tells me to keep going, and other part tells me to just quit, and think of ways of ending 'things'.

I'm trying to find words to my gf that I'm weak and I'm sorry to her for me being a weak partner. I'm trying to find words to my parents and family that I want to just quit and die dahil I failed them, and myself too.

Mangilid ngilid na luha ko habang pauwi, and even nakapasok ako sa bahay, nangingilid luha ko sa lungkot, pagod, disappointment at maraming bagay.

Now, I'm crying in my room, because I am weak and tired of all of this. Pero I can't even manage to just quit. I'm sorry.