Nagagalit ako sa sarili ko kasi hinayaan ko lumagpas yung opportunities na magpapasaya sakin as an individual. Yung tutulong sakin para maabot yung pangarap and goals ko. Pero wala eh, tanga. Nagmahal. Pumili. Ngayon, mag iisang taon na halos and I still feel bad. So bad. Na spontaneously maaalala mo na lang and you'll compare yung feeling, the fulfillment, and the joy you were feeling way back then sa current situation ko. I feel like a loser. I feel like ang baba ng pangarap ko. I feel like nobody. Ayoko magalit kasi choice ko ipagpalit pangarap ko at goals ko sa ikakasiya niya eh. Pero ang sakit pala na while you are processing your feelings, the breakup, the events that happened... Ang sakit... Yung pagsisisi na pinakawalan ko yung joyful feeling to be on the field. To be with the people na same halos ng wavelength ko to grow, to share, yung adventure na hinahanap.. nakakapanghinayang... Di ko nasulit yung mga oras when I was there kasi I was divided.. nasasaktan ako na pinalagpas ko yun..

At alam ko nakaraan na yun. It should be a learning lesson na unahin sarili ko. That I need to acknowledge everything and forgive myself. Or maybe I can go back and create new memories. But you can't erase the memories na tumatak na sa isip mo at yung feeling and awareness mo of how it felt when you made the choice.. I just want to get this off my chest..