I am an introvert and lumaki ako from getting friends online. During college, I had a handful of irl friends, but now na 28 na ako parang puro "Kamusta?" or nangungutang nalang sila - parang wala na yung genuine connection. What made me disconnect with my irl friends even more was my ex who hated and restricted me from going out with them. Alam niyo yung mga ganong relationship na gusto nung partner mo na siya lang yung friend mo? Ever since then parang hindi nalang din ako nag effort sa mga tao.

Now, I'm in a very happy and open relationship. My partner now has a lot of friends na naging friends ko na din. Basically her circle has then become mine as well, lalo na yung mga siblings niya.

Kaso lately, parang nag karon ng drift. Hindi na namin sila nakakausap or kung makausap man, it's about family matters and yung friends naman namin parang may kaniya kaniya na ding world. (Context: her mom had cancer so we had to adjust our schedules and such para maalagaan siya). Now, her mom has finished chemo kaya mas maluwag na ngayon mga schedule but they seem to be having events on their own na na-leleft out kami.

I don't know. Sometimes I just feel really lonely and alone. And my partner, too. Minsan, hanggang madaling araw nag uusap kami na na-mimiss namin yung feeling na may friends na nayayaya or nakakasama. Parang ngayon, we're in our own little bubble. We would invite them to go out with us, kaso sasabihin hindi pwede pero kapag nag sabi ako na i-lilibre namin, biglang sasama na pala? Napag usapan namin ng partner ko na baka need na mag stop mag make ng efforts for other.

Dumating na kami sa point na we had to build a group chat to look for other friends and people to play with or talk. But I just can't seem to shrug off that bad feeling na the ones that I've built connections with just started drifting away slowly.

I think all I need is someone na I can really call my bestfriend. Parang my whole life, halos lahat ng tao ata natawag ko na na bestfriend pero ang ending hindi pala? Haha. I don't know. Is it like finding your soulmate ba when having a bestfriend na once in a lifetime mo lang makikilala or mahahanap?