Have you been in a situation na di mo n alam anong goal mo sa buhay mo?

Have you been in a situation na feeling mo, lahat naman ng effort na ginagawa mo is just for compliance, and it wouldn't make any improvement sa buhay mo?

I've been like that ever since nung nag TL sa BPO, nabusy sa work, sa love life, finances and family.. All my childhood dreams and all the things I love to do, shattered as if wala na.. stuck na ko sa ganitong situation. Yung dating sabik na sabik ako manood ng anime or series sa netflix, wala na.. 20 minutes palang ng show nagsasawa na ko.

Whenever I play video games, di rin naglalast. I felt like the the stories and mechanics itself doesnt make anything unique, rather, repetitive naiba lang ng itusra.

Hahawakan ko palang ang pencil to draw something, I felt it childish, as a result, di ko rin natatapos nasimulan ko.

Friends are encouraging me to start off a business out of my cookies and bake goods. But time and energy is making mo lose my interest in doing so.

Minsan, naiisip ko nalang kung ano ba talagang purpose ko to live? maging charity worker ng family ko? maging overthinker na wala sa lugar? My fiance would tell me na iwan ko na family ko but how can I do that kung puro anxiety naman kapalit lalo na't may sakit pa mother ko?

I am sometimes thinking na what if I end it all? am I gonna be selfish if I to do that? san ako kukuha ng courage to do it?

Sa totoo lang gulong gulo na rin ako sa buhay ko. Di ko naman nakikitang patapon ako pero parang hindi ko na mahanap yung sarili ko, yung gusto ko. Yung parang di ko na kilala sarili ko.

I just want to start how I started. I just want to get that fire in me nung bata bata pa ako. I just wanna get back that imagination na dati, everytime I sleep I would feel I am living in an fantasy world na kung saan ako yung kasama ng main character.

Pano ba magsimula ulit kung sarili mo na kalaban mo?