I was able to finally get checked up yesterday with my partner and found out I’m carrying twins. One has a questionable viability kasi super weak daw ng heartbeat.

We were planning to get rid of my fetus when I got 5 positive pregnancy tests (this was totally an accident kai nabutas yung condom). Pero when I got the result yesterday, para akong nanghina lalo. It was already hard enough to think of aborting one, what more of two.

I’ve never encountered twins in my life and never thought I’d have one. I know I would tell my friends “Hindi ko alam anong gagawin ko.” But I do, I just don’t want to. Pero alam ko rin na pag pinagpatuloy ko ‘to, I’m only gonna suffer, especilly my babies, in the long run. My friends have different take on this. Some want me to keep them, kahit pa nung hindi namin alam na twins. While the others believe I should get rid of them so we wouldn’t suffer more. But I really don’t need to hear any more voices.

They agree to my words, kasi aware naman talaga ako sa consequences and pros & cons. Pero they still keep slapping them to my face na parang hindi ko alam anong sinasabi ko. I just wanted to be listened to, to be supported no matter what my decision will be. Hindi yung paulit-ulit sila na daig pa mga magulang ko, or ine-echo lang mga sinasabi ko at sila pa yung naf-frustrate.

My partner doesn’t have much to say. Pero it was clear when he once told me that honestly, he’s not ready when I asked how does he feel with what we’re about to do.