My last post here was about 4 months ago na yata and for the past few months, I've been crying my eyes out about opportunities and people I lost. I know hindi pa ako fully healed pero I woke up feeling a whole lot better today, to the point na may goosebumps pa nga.

For how many months, I've been doing a lot of drinking and partying. I thought that maybe by numbing myself, I'll get past through the pain. Sobrang nakaka suffocate na kasi it's like living your head in the past when you have depression and then you're living in the future naman when you're so anxious.

I'd meet new friends, party, and do other vices. I'll drink to run away but the more I do, the more the memories haunt me. The cycle is breaking me so much.

Until one day I started reading and watching videos about stoicism. I also listened to topics like attachment styles which have been one of the reasons of my previous heartbreak, and also topics about career and self awareness. It's not what happened to me that matters anymore, it's how I'll learn and react to it now.

Kaya this morning lang, I was checking my archives and hindi na gaano kasakit whenever I look at our videos together, how she holds my hand, the photo booth pictures we have, or my supposed to be birthday gift. Mas nangingibabaw na I'm happy for her now, maybe because I have finally accepted myself now.

All these memories and lessons will forever be in my heart. Here's me reminding myself that healing isn't linear, and I should be a little warmer to myself. No more unfinished businesses, no more pointing fingers, and no more self hatred.

Cheers to us and our new chapters.