Last Sunday I met someone, a straight guy, very smart professional and good looking guy. We decided to meet since my offer was purely for decent casual meet up. When I saw him, I didn't feel starstrucked but little by little upon conversation I felt I was opening up to him and I was purely becoming very open. We exchanged pretty good talks and I wish that night didn't end.

Then Monday went by. That day I felt really sad to the point I was trying to ask myself if did it happen too fast and too good? Was it just too good to be true? I have only been meaning to make great connections that are purely decent, nothing sexual or with malice. It felt like I opened my soul and left the door open. I felt so vulnerable, almost cried that night as I didn't really understand what was going on. I can get lonely sometimes but that Monday felt the worst day. I tried to distract myself from that feeling. Until I realize, should I just keep myself away from meeting new people once again? Do I just admit I am not the type of guy to meet and hangout with straight friends? Am I that miserable and aweful I do not look physically attractive to the point I do not bring added value to the people I meet? I have a good life but what could be the most sustainable way of reinforcing myself away from these feelings? Is it too much to ask to find good straight friends though I am gay?

Because of this, I am afraid again to let myself out in the open. I felt trauma. I don't know.