It's been four months since i broke up with my ex who cheated on me twice. So far, im doing okay but im not doing good. Coping up of being alone, accepting for who i am, and spending my time wisely. I dont have any feelings na towards my ex eh so i can say na i moved on sa kanya pero i admit na hindi pa talaga ako nakakamove on dun sa feeling na you have a special someone who you can talk about all the things na nangyayari sa buhay mo and spend time with a person na nageenjoy kayo together. Ang hirap na lang din with friends since may mga pasok na sila and meron na rin silang ibang barkada. I dont have a friend in college pa eh mostly mga highschool friends pa rin mga kaclose ko. Ang hirap lang talaga everyday na you're trying to cope up sa life. Craving for attention and affection na alam ko hindi ko naman talaga makukuha agad agad.

So i tried dating apps or trying to post dito sa reddit. So ayun, typical setups. Trading pics, introducing ourselves, and casual talks pero it's mostly a one time conversation lang. As everyday marami ako nakakachat trying to find na makakamatch ko talaga in terms of vibes, hobbies, and pref sa looks. Most of the time na i say agad if hindi ko type pero yung iba nakakalimutan ko na ichat ulit coz i always proceed to the next one (which means hindi kami nagvibe). Basically para akong naging ghoster na din. Hindi ko naman idedeny yun. At some point, nagkasense na ako na parang may magmemessage sa akin about it na magagalit about what im doing. Ayun, dumating na ako sa point talaga na shit im tired of this and im not proud of what i did and what I've become. Im fully responsible for this and should've thought about my actions and how to cope up with my situation wisely. Kaya im sorry sa lahat ng pinaasa ko and if i offended you man im really sorry. Im going to try my best kung paano ko ihahandle yung situation ko ngayon.

Ngayon lang nagsisink in sa akin lahat na hindi na pala healthy para sa akin and para sa iba yung ganitong dating setup. Nakakapagod din and mas lalong nagiging worse lang. Sorry kung nagpadala ako sa pagcrave ko ng attention and affection. I dont know bakit ang choosy ko sa kausap and taong kakausapin. Masyado yata akong naghahanap ng ideal guy. Siguro may epekto rin yung sa previous relationship ko lalo na grabe yung trauma na binigay sa akin.

Ngayon, i just play games everyday and just doing the things i need to do. Ang hirap talaga i overcome yung ganitong feeling. Sorry kung ang gulo ng pagkakasulat ko. Sobrang gulong gulo na rin kasi ako sa nararamdaman ko. I just hope na maovercome ko na lang din agad toh.