Hi everyone! My host identifies as non-binary transmasculine. I’ve gotten to a place where I think three out of four of my alters are down for transitioning. But one of them (a child) identifies more with femininity and likes our body the way it is now/ doesn’t want to look more masculine. I think that alter would even be down for she/her pronouns, but I am unable to use she/her because it causes the host crippling dysphoria and worsens my dissociative symptoms. The host and other parts identify as transmasculine, and I’ve been getting kind of desperate to transition, but I also feel like it’s not fair to screw over my child alter (who I call “younger self”).

I feel another alter tugging me towards masculinity while the younger self is tugging me back towards femininity.

I wonder if my solution might have to be figuring out some kind of compromise in the middle (I.e. starting testosterone but also experimenting with more feminine presentation, like makeup and dresses?). I currently just wear giant oversized t shirts and hide in my apartment all day because of my anxiety, which no one seems to be happy with, including the host. I wonder if HRT could give me the confidence to be able to wear dresses and makeup without feeling dysphoric, and therefore satisfy younger self as well as everyone else.