i.
aristotle couldnāt decipher
the comets leaping in your amber iris
the stars that lie there, very much awake
the stars that I swam below
tarot spread on the table
crystal balls deceive but Iād known you weāre in my stars
star crossed lovers
i submit on my bed every night
shaking, opiod hands pressed
praying that you are the rosalind to my romeo,
that this affair was a deception
that Iām a fraction away from Julietās marble scaffold
steady these starving hands
and snuff out the stars I see in the ink
angels of porn
all of my moons without you now,
jostling caligula with what weād done
you toppled all of rome on my head
the alexandrian library of your whispers
burning,
burning,
i want to press my wrist
to the cinder
so the letters that came from your
roses-
disfigure me
that sunspot above the lip
i even admired that small detail
gods signature on my adonis
a painting that would blind da vinci,
incinerate the louvre,
and make cupid grieve
van gogh is my martyr
I long to die silently in sunflower spread
dusted off eons from now
and make the republic weep at my fingertips
that I tribute and grovel at our wombish grave
your curls encompass the universe
breathing and contracting as
it grows, then shears
directing the cycle of life
id give my body to satan if
i could see the silvery strands
accumulate like a rolling wave over each strand
but the stars were facetious bulbs
in a emptiness science fails to introduce
the monkey paw is a closed fist
something in your depths broke
the camels back
you took rusty scissors and untethered
the red string,
the umbilical cord strangling me
ii
reincarnate me
virgilās hell is a cycle of our apocalypse
maybe in my next life
youāll still be adonis
but Iām the one to send the boar forth like hounds
sniffing out your perfect blood like rich truffles
one third above,
one third below,
one third free, spent bolstering ridged
columns of hubris
my aphrodite summer
waves to me like the gliding of a kite
while your underworld winter
presses flowers into frost
while the queen of the underworld
plants her icy nails into your back
like a spinal tap
i wonder if I crossed
that imaginary line
will i feel the dead of the styx
crawling up my calves for salvation
the capricorn on a faded map
punctures your heart
the lovelorn she-god
failed the descent to the cold
hell of hades
oh, well
never mind.
in the memory of adonis
i will don a myrrh crown
like the treachery of judasā gift
but yet the brittle limbs puncturing my temples
an homage to the penance of jesus christ
i will don a myrrh crown
to celebrate your woody womb
and dance with the nymphs of old
to spite the capricorn
inside my adonis.
feedback:
[AN: I usually donāt do this, but Iād love to hear interpretations of this, as I added a lot of references that I wonder if people understand. It would really help with feedback, as I wanted this poem to be more comprehensible compared to my other poems!]
Okay I guess Iāll give some insight on my allusions here in the hope that itāll improve the poem for ya. Iāve left a lot of references to stories, legends and takes that really left an impact on me and compare to the situation the speaker laments about.
Romeo and Juliet: People often forget that, before meeting Juliet, Romeo was depressed from losing a girl named Rosalind. Nothing, not even his buddies could take his mind off of her. Until Juliet showed up. The speaker wishes that their failed love follows the same formula, and that the speaker too will find the one theyāre ātrulyā meant to be with and take the pain away from a lost love.
Adonis: The most important allusion in this thing. The key points here is that adonis, an extremely beautiful man born from a Myrhh tree (that his mother turned into) made two goddesses fall in love with him. The queen of the underworld (Persephone), and the goddess of love (Aphrodite). It was decided amongst the gods that Adonis would spend one third of each year with Aphrodite, one third with Persephone, and the other third doing whatever he wanted. As revenge on Aphrodite, he was killed by a boar that was sent by Artemis, his beauty wasted. The connection to the take here is that the āAdonisā spoken about was torn between two places, two completely different worlds. In this poem specifically, it depicts the underworld (with Persephone) as a cold, winters place, where, with Aphrodite, it was a warm summer. This can be taken both to emphasize how different these places are, but the time of energy they give off. The speaker wishes to be the one, Artemis, to slay Adonis in a hypothetical reincarnation, so that they donāt have to experience the grief of losing him but rather indifference.
Biblical: Throughout the poem, the speaker talks about youth- wombs, Adonis himself (he was prized for his youthful appearance) etc. The speaker compares themselves to Judas who betrayed Jesus after offering him Myhrr at the last supper (again, pointing back to adonis), and Jesus, depicting the same kind of wood puncturing his head with the thorn crown he wore. Becoming a martyr while being adorned with the same thing used to betray him.
Other allusions:
Caligula- One of the most tyrannical rulers in the history of Rome. To ājostle Caligulaā would be no small feat.
Library of Alexandria: In Ancient Rome held almost all of the worlds knowledge, and when Rome fell it was destroyed/burnt in Egypt.
Virgilās Hell: A reference to Danteās inferno where every circle of hell is methodical and designed to punish sinners in a way that correlated to their crime. Also a Master of epic poetry, the writer is pointing at themselves to hint that what theyāre writing is similar to that of an epic (PSSST THAT MEANS ME)
Capricorn: A small detail that I wished more people would think about because itās the one Iām most proud of. This is a double meaning, folks. It both refers to a location (that is highly specific, like- scarily highly specific if you read enough into it, but I doubt people will figure it out haha) and just being capricious.
Anyway, youāre right in a lot of ways. I guess the cohesion is off a bit but I guess what I intended was to frame this story as a massive picture. Itās bigger than Greek mythology, itās bigger than Roman history, itās bigger than religion itself. This was meant to be a super hyperbolic look at a lost love that I have been going through.
As for the last little bit about the gender-blurring in this, Iāll explain the best I can without making myself sound dumb. This poem is more about the story and arboreal thought of a person rather than who they actually were, save one or two moments in the poem, meant to remind you that this IS in fact about a specific person. Other than that, I fundamentally believe that all humans have both feminine and masculine qualities, and love really brings out everything about a person unconditionally. Thereās no masculine and feminine label for people to sit behind when youāre truly, seriously in love with someone. All you know is that theyāre this-being, this soul in front of you that you care about more than anything.
Each word- literally have meaning to me, and some way more specific to my situation than people could even detect. Iām so damn proud of this poem that I think I might not write like this again haha.
Thank you so much for your feedback. Iām so glad that people have enjoyed this and taken their time to read through my lunacy.
Subreddit
Post Details
- Posted
- 5 years ago
- Reddit URL
- View post on reddit.com
- External URL
- reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/co...
No, no donāt feel like a dick- I wanted to write it down anyway in case anyone reading isnāt familiar with any of the references and could read through without having to research. Normally i wouldnāt really add context but it helps with feedback so.
But youāre actually right, I didnāt really want the reader to fall in love along with the speaker necessarily, but maybe feel some sense of pity as they have a melodramatic rant. This is all very pretentious and has a bit of self-loathing to it via how theatrical it is.
Your confusion makes sense now that you explain it to me with the role-switching.
And youāre probably right, I think I should give this poem like a week or two and then really break into it and revise it. But it was a good little vent at least :)