Today

Today, I am not thinking about you.

When 한강 won the Nobel and the Joker sequel tanked, I thought

Are you okay? Is someone holding your hand

And when North Korea sent troops to Ukraine I remembered how you narrowed your eyes when you told me

Not to judge them; that your country was divided, and I couldn't know

how they felt, how much they missed their grandmothers

long buried in the South.

I knew you didn't remember I had family from Palestine

or my son's name

or what I tell myself to make my legs swing over the side of the bed

Get Up

Keep Getting Up

every day.

I know you never loved me

the way that I loved you.

Today, though

Today

I am thinking about my children, and my brothers--

Two of them don't look like me, their mother, dark, beautiful, accented

Was pushed in the grocery store

I am thinking about my oldest friend, she is sweating through her meds

At the corporate job she fought for

Black, and so tired--

I am thinking of my family from Palestine.

I am thinking of the pale woman with the anxious eyes who told me she was scared

And the Hawaiian who held my hand, teeth grinding,

as she explained her last name means Blood. Remember that, she said: Blood.

You cannot know

how I am feeling. You did not want to

But today,

Today I know

what you are thinking when you glance North, back towards the mountain where you were stationed

in the coldest months of the year

I know something

about those divisions that lanced through your words, about the guide you gave me

A compassion I will have to remember as I swing my legs

Over the side of my bed

Get Up.

Always

Always Get Up.

Today I am not thinking of you, but I am grateful for you

Today, instead

I think of the softest of us, the gentlest,

and gather my bones for the long walk ahead--

Remember that, she said. Blood. Remember the blood.

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