Disclaimer: I do not have an official diagnosis of OCPD, though I do have an "unspecified personality disorder" with traits that line up with OCPD. Hence, I use "OCPD traits". I also have diagnosed ADHD that likes to throw a wrench into everything.

I haven't seen many posts tackling the struggles of being a manager with OCPD, only non-OCPD people who have had bad experiences with them. As someone aspiring to go into management, my biggest worry is how to reconcile potential OCPD with managing without coming off as an egotistical asshole.

My biggest struggles are perfectionism and lack of delegation.

Perfectionism: I often hold the genuine belief that "nobody can do it better than me", which is ironic, considering how low my self-esteem/self-confidence is.

Parallel to that is the belief of "I have to do it, or else they're going to see me as lazy" despite how far out of my way I tend to go for my job (showing up to cover shifts, OFFERING to work without being asked, taking on tasks that reasonably should go to other people, etc.). I'll admit it: I'm a workaholic.

I struggle with leisure because, and I'm quoting this from a comment that resonated with me, "I'm constantly looking for fires to put out". If I'm at home with nothing "productive" to do (or nothing productive that my ADHD will allow me to do), I'll offer to come in to work, or wish that I didn't have the day off. It's odd, because I request days off, yet show up if asked. Not always, but enough times that sometimes I feel resentful.

I struggle to have a dynamic view of people. I hold myself to (often unrealistic) high standards, and am prone to thinking lowly of people who don't hold that same standard the way I do. "I work hard; why isn't that person working just as hard?", "I can make pizzas fast; why can't they (disclaimer 2: I do give grace for new people, but that gets thrown out after a month or two)"? It's just really hard for me to accept that not everyone cares as much as I do, or simply does things differently, and that neither are a moral/job-related failure of me or the other person.

Delegation: If I see something needs to be done, I'll attempt to do it myself. If I see multiple things that need to be done, I'll sooner take twice as long doing it myself than asking a coworker to do it. Going back to the "dynamic view of people" issue, I'll sooner assume they didn't want to do the thing than consider that... maybe they were genuinely unaware it needed to be done.

Fighting against two different viewpoints in my own head is very frustrating. I want to be the best manager I can be. I don't want to be an asshole, or fearmonger people into respecting me. I want to earn it. If nothing else, I at least want people to be able to say "they get the job done" without them walking all over me or me being an ass.

Any advice? Therapy is inaccessible until I get paperwork straightened out, and being so inflexible and restrictive has hurt more places in my life than just my job.