I'm crying, and this hurts. This hurts a lot. I feel like I've made so much progress. I've written what I think are insightful posts to help, and people said they were indeed helping. Brain released dopamine, and the rest is pretty much history. Fell into a spiral, constantly replying and trying to help, and I mean I WAS. That's what pisses me off so much, because I know I can use so much of my life experience to help others along paths of their own, and here my ocd is making it all about itself. Because that is my life's calling, to help others. It's unfair, it's bullshit, and I shouldn't have to put up with it.

But I am, because I have to. Everything I have written on my profile, I believe with all my heart. I do this because in a way, I am just writing what little me always wanted to hear. But he never got to, so maybe you guys can get something from it. I have made so much progress, and this hole has seemed to open right from under my feet. But I am SICK AND TIRED of all THESE DAMN HOLES!!! So here I am, pulling myself out. I'm deleting this for 2 weeks right after this post, so I have no idea if it was seen. But If it was, and you do take something from it, please don't stop. Use it in every situation. It's okay to mess up. I did here. But what I'm doing differently this time is recognizing and changing my ways so it can be easier each, and every damn time. I wish you all luck, and I'll be back at some point to continue my battle, healthily.