*LONG POST ALERT*

My partner (M) and I had another instance last night in which I freaked out over him not doing something the way I need it to be done, like laundry. 

Because he's more of a "toss everything in at once at the same cycle level no matter what" kind of guy, and I have expensive bras and stuff that need protection (and need towels to be at a higher level of cleanliness than tshirts)... we came up with a laundry system of sorts at our last apartment. We had laundry in-unit, so when I figured out he couldn't discern between the fancy-cannot-be-put-in-the-dryer stuff and non, I put everything that couldn't go in the dryer in mesh lingerie bags and larger items like dresses had a "shiny means no dryer" rule. Mesh bag items and shiny dresses would be hung up immediately on one of the hundreds of command hooks we had laying around the apartment walls. But there was always an understanding that if he didn't know 100%, he should ASK ME. 

Our new apartment has laundry in-building but not in-unit, so we took all our initial week of laundry to my parents' house this weekend (somehow all fit in one large suitcase), since we were heading here anyway for Yom Kippur. My parents have huge laundry machines - plus it's "free" - so it made sense.

I put in the first load with nothing in mesh bags. All was fine when M transferred things to the dryer and put the new load (with mesh bag items in a mesh bag) in the wash. However, when M took out the mesh bag from the wash when transferring the second load to the dryer, he took out the items and placed them... not on one of the two drying racks or the clothesline next to the dryer, but directly on top of the closed dryer (cleanliness status unknown). He did this without telling me the other options were full and without asking me if it was okay to put my expensive underwear on there.

I tried not to be bothered by it, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he'd placed the underwear on top of the mesh bag (also just cleaned) so there would be even the tiniest of layers of fabric between the underwear and the machine. NOPE, directly on top. I got really upset. Not just about the actual act of putting it there/not following our established protocol for mesh bag items in laundry (he proclaimed that that protocol was just for the last apartment's machines... it definitely is NOT). This is a bigger issue of him basically treating my OCD needs as something to placate for a placebo effect. 

He said that I wouldn't be able to tell once it was dry whether or not the underwear had been placed directly on the dryer (his logic: the underwear would dry fastest sitting on top of a heated machine than hanging up or sitting on top of already-air-drying items on the rack). I can't tell if towels have been washed on the "heavy duty" or "towels" settings because at the end of the day everything is clean. 

I told him this was upsetting to me because it's a trust issue. I don't want to have to babysit or micro-manage tasks I ask him to do or whatever else he does to do his part in our shared housework. But I need to be able to trust that he's going to do things I've specifically asked him to do in order to make sure I feel okay with it. I need to be able to rely on him to follow protocols we've already set in place, or for him to ASK for help. Get me involved in the process so I can tell him what would make me feel better. There's no need to walk on eggshells or tiptoes. I'm not mad he did a thing. I'm mad that I think he's going to go behind my back to do it insufficiently and pass it off as my protocol because "you can't tell the difference". 

He apologized, but I was upset for the rest of the night, unfortunately. I told him we may need help. This is one of countless times he's done this and then I've had to further explain my anxiety and OCD to him when it comes to making sure tasks are done and done "right". The issue doesn't come up that frequently, but when it does, it basically stops our mojo for the night. He will apologize for "approaching with only logic", but I don't feel like my methods are necessarily illogical, even when I acknowledge the OCD aspect of it. 

I'm not exactly sure what to do. Thoughts?

P.S. - I just went down to the machines to change my clothes for the day and all CLEAN clothes had been placed directly back in the large suitcase (where the dirty clothes had directly contacted), instead of our usual method of placing clean clothes first in clean garbage bags and THEN putting them in the suitcase.