Trigger warning:$u***dal ideation

I am having the hardest time of my life.

I lost my father back in August and unexpectedly my job of 9 years around the time too. It sent me down into a depression spiral and has brought back my ocd that i had control over for nearly 8 years. 6 months ago I was running a top 5% OF page and and plus I was making more money than I've ever had made in my day job. I was on top of the world Now, in the last few months I've lost 2 jobs that i got because of ocd and now my OF page is suffering because I have lost my libido and ability to get an erection. My ocd theme is health anxiety but also a fear of accidentally swallowing something like a foreign object, which makes it hard to eat or drink anything. And a hit and run fear has nearly rendered me homebound. I used to have sex every day, now its been a month. And it's affecting my relationship with my partner. I'm so fucking pissed that I have this fucking disorder. For the 1st time in my life, I've had s***idol ideation and have not had a moment of joy or peace in months. I'm on sertraline, but I know that's a boner killer. And I'm only on week 4. I'm seeing a psychiatrist but he's very expensive. I just feel like everything has been taken from me. If anyone could offer me some hope or advice, I sure would appreciate it.