I often wonder how much of my life I've lost by making subconscious decisions out of a fear of "mental contamination." E.g.,

- I don't want to study this subject because I don't want to be around "this person who will contaminate me"

- I don't want to read this book or write this because I'm afraid it's going to "pollute my mind"

- I don't want to do this because it's exactly what this person I hate is doing and I'll "become like him"

- I can't touch this because I'll "get influenced by this"

- I don't want to look at this because I'll "mess it up"

... and on and on.

Let's not even talk about the hidden mental rituals, the mental compulsions, and the mind tics.

From childhood through my thirties, I didn't even have a vocabulary for these variants of "existential OCD" or "pure O" or "metaphysical OCD" or whatever...

They should at least teach children basic cognitive therapy and psychological education. How else will they know that what they're going through isn't something unique? We are truly in the dark ages as a species for mental health.

I don't want to complain too much. I did okay in life, and I hid it all along, but I wasted so many decades.

We're all in one giant ghetto of a rocky slaughterhouse floating through space. There is no escape.