Edit to add: I'm not trying to ask for a diagnosis. Just wondering if this could possibly be related as there are similar themes. I've never need able to put words to this struggle before this very moment.

I (25F) am still undiagnosed OCD. Working with my therapist on going through the OCD measure, but it's been pretty eye-opening and a huge relief that I am finally figuring out the source of a lot of my anxieties. I am diagnosed witb GAD and ADHD. Anyways...

For almost as long as I can remember, I have been somewhat uncomfortable with males my own age. I think it started when my parents and my Godparents joked about me and their son growing up and getting married. We were similar age, names start with the same letter, and both the quiet ones in the family. So, it was often a lighthearted joke that we would end up together. We only saw them like 1 time a year as my Godparents are my parents friends from college and a lot of us were similar in age, like 6 mo apart, so they would hope that one of the kids in my family would marry one of the kids in theirs. I don't think they meant this to cause anxiety and awkwardness, but it did. I would always avoid giving him a hug and we hardly spoke because it just felt awkward 🤷‍♀️

Fast forward, I am now married (to a 24M). I started a new job about a year ago - they hired two people to add to my team. My coworker, I'll call him Bob, is, I think, 3 years older than me.

Most of the time, people on this team are hired in pairs, like me and Bob. A lot of people who have previously been on this team end up moving up, but for the most part, everyone's pair still works for the company and are pretty one friends.

Bob was single when we were hired. Now he has a girlfriend. I thought that him having a girlfriend would make me feel less awkward, like maybe it's a "I'm in a relationship and you're not, so what kind of assumptions might people make" but there is still so much awkwardness between us. We both get along with everyone on our team (our team is super close) and everyone gets along with both of us. Bob and I actually have a lot in common and would likely be friends, but there's just this awkwardness that I can't drop.

I think that there is a pattern. I realized that in high school and college, all the guys my age would fall into at least one of the following categories: (1) I had a crush on them, (2) they had a crush on me, (3) they are gay, or (4) for lack of better words, they are "extras" (I read a lot of comics. I don't think I'm a main character, but that just describes it in the shortest way, I think)

So...has anyone else experienced this constant anxiety/obsessive worry about people your age? Gosh, I don't want to get wording wrong and upset anyone, but like, I am straight so it's people my age who are opposite genders. For my brother, if he had this same anxiety, it would be around guys his age since he is gay. Does that make sense? I just can't think of how else to describe it, so please enlighten me if I could have used better words!!

Advice very much appreciated and accepted!