I think it's fair to say that everyone here is a huge Norm fan and I feel like when you're a Norm fan you think that you're the only one. Then you realize there are more and you get happy. Then you meet them in real life and you get sad.

Norm was my favorite comic for the same reasons Shirley Jackson is my favorite writer; I like the slightly obscure and the extremely macabre. I grew up watching his comedy and I would laugh at all his update jokes even the ones I didn't understand.

A few years back, someone posted the email address of the head writer of Norm Macdonald Live. A few of us emailed him some jokes and we all got emails back saying they do not accept unsolicited submissions. But later that day I got an email from Brent asking me if I'd be interested in submitting a resume, and they would consider approving me as a contributor. I said, "Of course!" And spent the rest of my day fabricating a comedy resume.

It worked, I tricked them.

I submitted over 200 jokes to Norm Macdonald Live and I got exactly 0 on. When the season wrapped, I thanked Brent for the opportunity and told him it was fun since I had never failed 200 times at something before. He told me he enjoyed my jokes and if there was a 3rd season I could continue to contribute.

The best part of those weeks was sitting down in a coffee shop and trying my best to write a great joke about blowing a guy or killing a prostitute. I was so thankful for the opportunity to try and emulate my comedy hero's voice, it is something I'll never forget.

This is way longer than I intended it to be but in conclusion, I got to write jokes for Norm. Some of them were good, most of them were bad, these are my favorites:

• My favorite video game when I was a kid was Mike Tyson's Punch Out. My least favorite video game when I was a kid was Mike Tyson's Rape You.

• The word "quit" is not in my vocabulary but that's because I dropped out of school in the second grade.

• It's like I always say, "You've sucked one cock, you've sucked 'em all!" No, seriously how different could they be.

• I like to go to the park, watch the birds and jot down the one's I've eaten.

• How many times have you been sitting at a bus stop while it rained, seen a pretty girl walk by and thought, “Man, I wish I weren’t homeless.”

• If you’re looking to save money, stop going out to restaurants and just jerk off at home.

• If I were Michael Phelps I would melt all of my gold medals into a trident.

• Dawn of the Dead creator, George A. Romero is dead. For now.

• The historic Times Square M&M Store is one of New York City’s oldest and most celebrated landmarks. Built over 150 years ago, the M&M building survived the 9/11 Attacks after the plane heading towards it was brought down by heroic passengers in Pennsylvania. They risked their lives knowing they would be preserving that chocolatey-centered goodness.

• Heatwave kills 19. Kidnaps 3 others.

• Fuck Cocaine! Sorry, I meant: fuck, cocaine!

• Lost dog. Do not return. Reward: dog.

• I remember for my birthday My mexican babysitter Rosa would blindfold me, take me out to the yard hand me a stick and let me beat her until she gave me candy