I am looking to fill a newly created partner-in-crime position*. Duties include, but are absolutely not limited to:

- Going out on dates, making up a backstory about our lives, and trying to convince strangers that we are who we say we are. Or that we need help deciding on the matching tattoos we’re about to get. (Spoiler: We are not about to get matching tattoos.)

- Figuring out ways to do random acts of kindness, and / or make people smile, like buying lunch for strangers anonymously. Or finding a random weekend cooking course and learning to make the best homemade ravioli imaginable.

- Occasional overnights and occasional travel on occasional weekends, during which we can test out the above ideas.

This position can be filled by someone remote, or by someone local if you are in the Midwest; specific location available upon request! If you are remote, job duties will shift to frequent online messaging with occasional in-person meetings.

About me:

- Dork who embraces his inner dorkiness, and is very capable of hiding said dorkiness for roughly half the length of a typical party.

- Adequate cook who can make many dishes that are perfectly meh. You should practice the phrase “Um, it’s not bad I guess?” Until that ravioli class, of course.

- Dad joke lover trying to step up my hiking game. I’m happy to hike for a couple of hours and several miles, but I’m not quite at the carrying my own tent and foraging for mushrooms stage.

- Frequently the only guy in a yoga class, and I’m on a mission to convince inflexible guys to give it a try. (Yup, another dad joke.)

- A world-class multiple choice test taker, a master peanut butter and jelly sandwich maker, and a sublime parallel construction sentence creator.

- Lover of Broadway Musicals, Covid vaccines, progressive politics, and chocolate with cocoa solid content between 30% and 74%.

To apply, please do one of the following:

- Send me a PM or a chat

- Post a comment

- Send an audio file with you saying “How you doin’?” in your best Joey Tribbiani voice. Laughing afterwards is highly encouraged and in fact expected.

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* Newly created because my wife and I are new to ethical non-monogamy, and are dating separately.