Hey ya’ll. I feel like I know the answer to this already but it’s just hard feeling like I’m throwing away a potentially good thing because of who I really am. This really boils down to me being scared that I’m unworthy of love. Or I’m too complicated to love. I feel like no one really accepts all of me. Only bits and pieces of me are attractive or loveable.

I’m afab and femme presenting. Openly use they/them pronouns and am vocal about it. But sometimes people will still use fem terms of endearment like “babygirl” and it makes my skin crawl. Pointing out things like that is important to me but it feels like I’m being needy or complicated or high maintenance.

and welp, I’ve been on two dates with this guy and he’s very sweet and respectful with using my pronouns but he called me babygirl tonight and I didn’t say anything because I’m avoiding “the conversation”. Which is basically the cherry on top of the “you won’t find me attractive after this chat” campaign, where I tell the person I like that I want top surgery in the future because I have raging gender dysphoria.

And I’m going to have the conversation because it needs to happen and even now I feel nauseous because this guy likes me but he likes the weird version of me I’m stuck with right now and not the person I really am. And I hate that I’m nonbinary sometimes and hate that I have gender dysphoria and wish I could just be a normal woman but I’m just not.

I just hate myself, especially right now and I feel like as soon as I tell him he’s just gonna ghost me and I’ll add him to the long list of people that will never love me for me and I’m so tired of being alone and unworthy :(