I used to question and experiment much more with fashion and looks when I was younger, but for the past 10 or so years I’m pretty much a cis looking gay guy - even passing for a straight apparently - largely because masculinity is in demand and I have no social skills and don’t want to be lonely so I perform my part. Also I prefer masculinity sexually, while femininity more in daily life and social interactions. The latter hasn’t been satisfied for a while though.

I still vividly remember going to a psychologist as a teenager in my Eastern European provincial town with my red hair saying “something is wrong with me, I feel androgynous“. Psychologist wasn’t very helpful at the time and sort of put me off from exploring my gender, with dating world and sexual preferences enforcing my male appearances. But damn, I don’t feel it and now at 30 those feelings are coming back like I lied to myself and the world for the sake of comfort.

What am I? Also can I even identify as nb without changing my appearance etc? It’s all a bit scary, like a second coming out tbh.