buckle up my enbabies

I have 5 siblings--1 sister and 4 brothers. I am the only queer one. I've been out for 6 years as pansexual, a couple of years as nonbinary. It's obvious that I'm enby and have struggled with gender dysphoria for a long time, which was evident to my siblings because I took huge issue with my parent's gendered parenting. (I was raised Mormon/LDS, so I was spanked and punished and bullied into acting like a girl so I didn't bring shame on the family, even though I was very vocal about being "not a girl or a boy" from a young age. I don't really blame my parents for this, I think if they weren't staunchly mormon in a town where 98% of the population were Mormon, and if my dad's mom wasn't such a transphobic piece of shit, I wouldn't have had such an awful and un-affirming childhood. But my parents refuse to acknowledge that the LDS church teaches parents to punish gender non-conformity and treat it like any other "misbehavior" or "sin" a child does, so my therapist suggested I give my siblings opportunities to validate me since I was having a hard time getting that from my parents because the people who fucked and birthed me care more about secretive masonic cult rituals than the health and well being of their own child.

Anyway. so I messaged my family's group chat that I would like to be called zizi instead of aunt and emmer instead of sister. Only two of my siblings responded, so I gave it a day or two and then I joked "thanks Joe and bethany, guess being nonbinary makes everyone else uncomfortable" (which was totally a joke because it doesn't make them uncomfortable, they just have never known how to respond or what to do because we were all raised Mormon in a super intensely Mormon community. I was trying to ask them to validate me without literally saying "guys can you validate me please") My sister in law, who is married to my oldest brother and has 2 kids with him responded "why do you constantly need all of us to validate you, like why do we have to respond? we read it"

I was shocked. How dare I ask for validation from my family members? clearly that's just so inconsiderate of me to ask them to validate me when I have literally never had that from any of them my entire life. I've been out for YEARS and I still get mis-gendered and called sister, but it's totally unreasonable to expect my siblings to respond to and affirm me when I have affirmed my sister as my sister and my brothers as my brothers, but it's too much for them to affirm me as their emmer? How more transphobic can you get, you were literally bothered by me asking for validation i was denied my entire life because my gender identity didn't match that as assigned at birth.

I'm so fucking tired of my SIL's transphobia. I actually really liked her when she first married my brother, but since coming out first as bi and then as enby she's been progressively more passive aggressive and has not once gendered me correctly. once she said to me "I just think little boys should be little boys and little girls should be little girls" which is basically a mormon's way of saying "trans people are fucking disgusting and immoral and letting trans kids exist is abusive to those children."

I'm just so fucking tired of this being my life. I never asked to exist or to be born into some stupid transphobic and queerphobic high demand religion, but I've done them all the service of not successfully killing myself as of yet, and they all just let my sister in law bully me like that and mock me for needing validation that every human needs.