Hey y’all, so I would probably describe myself as non-binary and transmasculine. If I had to choose to identify as a boy or a girl I would definitely call myself a boy. At the same time I still primarily identify as non-binary, and I prefer they/them pronouns. I also opt to use masculine terms to describe myself (dude, bro, boy, brother, etc.)

The thing is, though, since I’m non-binary, my appearance doesn’t really match my cognition in terms of masculinity. In my brain, I already see myself and my body as masculine the way they are. In practice, people misgender me a lot, and I kind of wonder if it’s my fault. My friends have described my fashion as androgynous.

Sometimes I feel pressured to change my appearance to try and “pass” as more masculine or androgynous, and I blame myself for not looking masculine enough when I get misgendered. At the same time, I don’t think “passing” is something I actually ~want~ to do. After all, cognitively, I already see myself as masculine even if I look visibly AFAB to others (?). I’ve thought of using they/them and he/him pronouns before but then I figured I’d get blacklash for not passing as binary male. At the same time I don’t even identify as binary male- man this is confusing.

One of the main factors that makes me feel self-conscious is that I can’t bind. I have a small chest so I usually just opt to wear baggy shirts. Most of the enbies or masc enbies I know all bind. But I have some degree of claustrophobia so I don’t think binding is a good idea. I only do it for theatre shows, and even just a couple hours is difficult sometimes.

I guess my question is, do I have to look more masculine/ make more of an effort to “pass” to be valid as a transmasc enby? Or is it fine for me to cognitively see myself as masculine but present as androgynous/ even slightly femme? Also, how masculine would I have to look to justify using he/him pronouns?

I feel like the answers to all of these will be that I’m already valid but I’m honestly not sure so I thought I’d ask you all anyways.

Thanks y’all!