LONG POST:

So i went to my grandmothers house this last weekend to help her set up her christmas lights. She's 78, i do this for her every year. Trust me, not because i like to but because its the right thing to do as she is elderly and needs help.

Anyways, ive been openly NB for about a year now. There was an incident in july at her birthday party. I dressed a little more fem as im (amab transfem pre hrt, but starting soon). This particular day in july i wore some makeup, a black solid vneck womens blouse, capris, and wedge high heels. Makeup and nails painted, i felt cute until.....

My prejudice uncle comes in and sees me, starts yelling at my grandmother, making her cry, she seemed ok with me being me, but i knew there was some underlying feelings. So he comes in, argues, shouts and screams at her, picks up a chair from the dining room table and slams it on the ground, breaking the chair, takes my aunt and cousin who is 13 and not openly bi yet. And leaves.

So i cut him off right then and their for good. You wont be rude to me, my family and especially not my community for being who we are. I havent talked to my uncle since, and vowed never to be in the same room again with him, and havent.

So i go over to set up lights this weekend and i asked if i need to come over for our family christmas on a different day because he would be there the day she had christmas planned for. She said, "no, i just dont want you to do anything stupid" after some other words she says this. And this is where im torn.

"I want you to come, im ok with this (touches my face) and this( touches my nails) and this(gestures towards me)" (this day i went over i only had on high heeled combat boots, skinny jeans, a tshirt, and nails painted with a little makeup. Basic NB lazy day look. Nothing fancy. My normal look wouldve been a blouse or yoga pants or something much more femme a dress or skirt etc.)

Then she says this. "I just am not ok with a dress or high heels" "SO YOU DONT WANT ME. YOU DONT WANT ME TO BE ME!" i responded. I was hurt. Visibly and emotionally. Your telling me " wear what you want, just not these things." FUCK YOU, ILL WEAR WHAT I WANT BECAUSE ITS MY BODY. i was irate. Me and my girlfriend finished up her decorations as best we could. She took us to lunch, dumped on us that she might have colon cancer and that me and her are the only ones in the family who knows and to not tell anyone.

But here's the thing, its not beyond my family to tell horrible lies to get someone to come to an event because "it could be their last event." My family is toxic and sick i know, but what if shes telling the truth?

Im so torn, i had a dress picked out with cute heels, and she told me i cant be myself. Then tells me she might be dieing and has only a few months to live (we are waiting on test results to find out) and if i dont go to the christmas event, i may very well miss my final time having Christmas with my grandma.

It upsets me dearly that i cant go as myself and that my entire family dosent understand me being NB and what that means even after explaining in depth how i feel about my self. I want to go for my grandma and be respectful and just go in boy mode. But I KNOW FOR A FACT the first time i see my uncle, we will have words. Words will turn into action in the form of me becoming violent with him and ruining everyone's holiday.

Sorry for the rant, but needed information to answer this question: Am I wrong for not wanting to go to this even though it could be my grandmas last christmas? Im so torn, i just want to be accepted for me no matter what i wear. I wish i was on HRT and a year in so i would have a more femme body, maybe then shed accept me for who i am.