Hello, I am a 38 year old non-binary trans-masculine allosexual person. I’ve been on testosterone for 4 years. I think I give off androgynous vibes, as in I pass as a man most of the time but when I don’t pass I look like I’m halfway through my transition and random people may or may not be able to tell which direction I’m going. This is not to say that androgyny or passing should be the objective for any of us, but so long as gender norms exist then one’s androgyny and/or passibility can be observed.

Speaking for myself, I am a very sexual person. I thoroughly enjoy safely making “adult” play time connections with many people. I love to and prefer playing as my authentic self and I have found many welcoming events in my region.

As an ftm-ish person, I don’t look as feminine as I used to which I typically love, but there was one event that I have really wanted to attend. The event I was interested in -for the type of fun I was looking for- it’s better to lean hard into femininity. Side note: I live in a major metropolitan area where there are a wide variation in party options available, and I do go to a variety of parties, some parties are great as a non-binary trans-masculine person, some parties not so much.

I have mostly avoided the parties that would require me to look feminine. But, there is one party in particular that I wanted to experience in the most feminine way possible for me, so I decided to go all out for it. I found this feminizing transformation process weirdly affirming.

I am much more hairy than I was pre-T, so I needed to invest in hair removal for my whole body and my face, and my short boy-cut style hair has thinned out a bit, so I got a wig to wear. I chose vibrant blue wig. I chose to get a Brazilian wax and lawdy!! I have much more hair and much thicker hair down there than I did last time I did this! For the rest of my hair, I shaved. Side note: hair or lack there of should not be gendered, unfortunately there are some gender norms and expectations …. And for this event I had already decided to lean into those norms.

I felt like a man cosplaying as a woman. I picked a new name to go by and I kind of developed a sexy persona. It was amazing how this particular form of “femininity” felt so forced and foreign, and I say that in the best, most affirming, way possible. What I mean is that I was really playing with my gender, and I had a lot of fun with it, and that’s what was affirming, that it was my choice.

I definitely had moments of dysphoria, but it was mostly positive.

Once the night was over, I was so happy to take off the wig and the makeup and I can’t wait for all my hair to grow back.

I’m glad I did this. I had the kind of night I was looking for. It was just lovely. I do not plan to do this again though, it was a lot of effort, and I am not great with makeup and shaving! Haha. I might wear that vibrant blue wig again though.