I've been on T for two years, and I kinda always considered myself agender. I'm the typical "I wanna be feminine like a boy is", plus I don't really understand gender, so I feel like the label fits me nicely enough.

However, I haven't really had any big changes on T. I still don't pass at all, my voice went down a little but not enough, and from the outside I kinda look the same as before, the only visible change were the hair (on legs and tummy, not even on the chin, rip).

I tried different types of gel and shots, my levels are normal - or at least checked, my T is been a bit too high from the beginning but my doc doesn't seem to be able to lower it.

That's not the point tho. While I've been trying to pass since I came out, recently I've been into more "feminine" stuff, but now ofc I just "look like a girl" and people misgender me all the time. I don't really get upset cause I mean, how would they know? If I gotta be honest sometimes I even "use" it, for example, last summer I found a job and everyone treated me better cause (they thought) I was a girl, so I just went with it.

I correct people most of the times, but it costs me and I don't really know why. Plus, I deadname myself ALL THE TIME in my head, and I really hate it.

I don't regret going on T, I don't regret coming out, I still don't feel like "a girl" (or a boy tbh) and probably never will. I'm just really confused about it all, and so tired of not seeing myself as I feel; and the deadnaming part it's so fucking frustrating :(

I guess my question is, is this normal? Will it change? Should I reconsider my identity? I can't wait to appear more masculine, and look more like the person I have in my head. But since it's not happening.. Is it wrong to not correct people, etc? I feel like I'm disrespecting myself, but I also feel like I shouldn't make a big deal out of it.

Idk in general I'm just so confused 😩