I (35NB) came out about 4 months ago, and since then, it's not been great. For the longest time, I identified as a gay man, and that worked (sort of). I am larger (think just north of 300lbs) and had previously felt pretty welcome in the Bear scene.

I've heard from other trans friends about the chilling welcomes from the gay male communities, and I had expected it before I came out.

Or at least, I thought I did.

Since coming out, semo-regular play partners have dropped me. People who were previously interested in me for dates no longer seem interested. I went to a rope kink class yesterday at a male-dominated space, and felt truly invisible for 2 hours. I cried in my car after that. I've been told I can't be gay, because only men are gay. People have ignored the pronouns in my profiles and misgendered me.

I don't know what I'm looking for, other than a physical space where I can be affirmed and welcomed, rather than feeling tolerated at best. I want to feel wanted, rather than thinly tolerated.