I saw a clip of Trevor Noah reacting to news that men are having less sex or aren't having as much sex as they did before. He went on to point out that it's not the sex that men are after, but it's the intimacy, something that many men only get through sex. I think some men aren't even aware that what they want is the intimacy or companionship and not the sex. I myself only realized that issue in recent few years.

​

So now I ask people, especially the men, how do you find companionship, friendship, and intimacy as an adult? As a kid and teen, it was easy because of school and extracurricular activities. I had those settings when was I "forced" to interact and build relationships. My main "real life" worry then was grades and school activities, things that you can achieve while having fun. I could go to class, learn, have casual conversations, play games, lounge, etc.

​

Now as an adult, I still have circumstances that "force" me to interact and build relationships, such as work or grad school (I'm a grad student), but those relationships never seem to go beyond being coworkers, colleagues, or acquintances. While the settings are still there, the circumstances or life stages of the people are different. We have to earn money. We have to build/maintain a career. Some of us have family responsibilities. And so on.

​

I guess in my case, it's harder to use time for the specific purpose of getting to know someone because I need to use that time for other things. I'm in a state in life where it seems like I'm pressed for time to build a career, especially since I'm a grad student. And it's already hard for me to be interested in anyone, whether platonically or romantically. I can't seem to be interested in people who don't have the same or even some of the interests that I have. I can be nice to them, but I can't bring myself to try to be more than acquaintances. I know if I try, I'll struggle to maintain the relationship because of our differences. I know if I compromise, then I might have better chances in building relationships. But I also know if I compromise, I feel bad about myself, like cognitive dissonance. Hence my problem with building companionship, friendship, and intimacy.