I am througly convinced it affects my partners sexual relationship with me and I would really like to see how and if there are things I can do to help them. I have healed the trauma but I have noticed sex changes when they are presented with this knowledge. Say if I asked to be spanked for instance, the comment has been made well what if it triggers you, or something along that line and for me, it's an entirely different mood/moment but for them to mention it, means it's on their mind. It's like how do they navigate being asked for certain sex acts that has been used in an assault (not necessarily my own but any sex act that can be outside of what is the social norm). If I'm asking for it, it should be fine but it's met with questions and it feels like they're thinking about it far more than I do. Sometimes the things I'm asking for is empowering. It's as if I'm in control and I am so uts a form of healing. However, does my/our partner see the same? This needs to be seen deeper and more emotionally so I can find tools to help.

What i have noticed: -frequency drops, drastically. -vanilla sex -but what if is said when ask/advocating -he doesn't climax -sex language is muted -hard/soft cycles. -missionary position only

At first, I thought it was age. I prefer my men 20 years older than me. But lately, as I've thought back to even before my hubs and after therapy, I have experienced one or more of these issues. When I ask, I'm told it's not me and the knowledge does NOT affect them but this can't be a coincidence. I want to be/look/feel/dress sexy and just the mere thought of a woman doing so is how some believe sexual assault happens so how do partners cope?