I just don't care. I'm slogging through university, bombing everything, doing the bare minimum and often less. Just one more semester to go (assuming I don't fail anything) and it all just makes me feel dead. I don't give a fuck about any of it.

I used to want to be a scientist and go to graduate school in Oregon to study the marine ecosystems of the Antarctic. But now I flunk half my tests and labs. I realised I was inadequate already even when I was trying, so I stopped trying.

I do have a lingering passion remaining for game development, but this fire too is going out. I am a bad project manager, a worse programmer, and an even worse computer scientist. Even when I'm trying. So why even try?

So here I am. I'm 90 minutes out from a lab being due. I had two weeks to do it, and when I tried to start it half an hour ago I found that the video links for the lab don't work. I can't watch the videos that I need to write the report. And I really just don't give two shits.

I'm honestly just so disgusted with myself. I'm so utterly mediocre. I'm 22 and I'm already a fat unloveable loser with no skills, no talent, very little to show for the last four wasted years of my life. I feel stupider than when I started this degree. And now that spark, that sense of ambition that I clinged to when I had nothing else, is dying. Yet, I feel nothing.