It is no secret that everything about us has roots in our childhood. So when going into a new relationship, the first attractions in a new partner are naturally physical and personality. But as months pass, the subconscious and underlying anxiety behaviour starts to surface. This is what starts to form the cracks in the relationship, very gradually, until it peaks, saturates and we have to decide if it is tolerable or is too much, this anxiety driven behaviour of the partner.

So knowing all this, how much time do you eagerly and consciously spend, knowing your partner's childhood, not for their fun stories and memories, but for their trauma and things that formed their anxiety behaviour to begin with?

The question is not about how many hours, weeks or months you spend, but how consciously and seriously you take this, purely to understand your new partner and what makes them who they are, their hidden unpleasant side, along with their displayed pleasant side. How often do you proactively indulge them to hear about their childhood?

(Not everyone is Ok to talk about their childhood, but the ones who are too guarded about it, are unfortunately the more difficult to deal with, because of it. Stuff that we seek a therapist for, to go and confide to, should ideally be confided in the partner we choose to live with. There is a lot to learn about each other, just from laying it all bare, to the right partner).