I’ve been dating my girlfriend for two years, and before we started dating, we were best friends for about a year and a half. When we first got together, I was convinced that I wanted to marry her, and I told both her and my family that I wanted to be with her forever. My parents are fully on board with the idea of her being “the one,” and I really did feel that way at the time.

But lately, I’ve been feeling conflicted. I love her, but I’m starting to realize that I’m not ready for the responsibility that comes with settling down. I’m 20 years old, and I want to experience more of life before making big commitments like saving for a house or planning for a family. I want to enjoy my 20s, have fun, buy things I want, and figure out who I am. But I feel selfish because I was the one who said I wanted to marry her, and now I’m changing my mind.

I also feel like I have to constantly go along with her opinions to avoid conflict. Whenever I try to express how I feel differently or push back, she either gets mad or shuts down. For example, one night I wanted to get a beer, and when I asked her if she was okay with it, she gave me a condescending response, saying, “It’s your life,” but in a way that made me feel guilty. I feel like I need her approval for everything I do, and when I don’t get it, I end up feeling like I did something wrong.

On top of that, she has told me multiple times that she doesn’t want to work, which means she expects me to take on all the financial responsibilities. I understand the importance of saving and being responsible, but I’m not ready to be the sole provider. She really wants us to move out and get our own place, but I’m content living with my parents for now, especially since I’m still figuring out my finances and what I want for my future.

Another thing that bothers me is how she talks badly about my parents. Yes, my relationship with them has its problems, and I’ve shared that with her, but whenever they don’t follow through on something, she makes sarcastic comments like, “Oh, didn’t see that coming,” or “Shocking.” It hurts my feelings, and I don’t feel like she respects my relationship with them.

The biggest issue I have is that I feel like she wants to control my life. I know she loves me, but I feel like she wants me to “submit” to what she wants, and it’s overwhelming. I’ve tried to bring up how her actions make me feel in the past, but she doesn’t take criticism well and just shuts down. I’m worried that if I talk to her about how I’m really feeling, it’ll lead to a huge fight or worse, and I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with that.

I also feel guilty because she doesn’t have many friends outside of me. She was homeschooled with her twin from 5th grade onward, and I was her first everything—boyfriend, kiss, sexual partner. She’s even said before we got together that she thought she’d be alone forever, and I worry that if I leave, she’ll feel abandoned.

I feel really lost right now. I’m not ready to settle down, I feel like I’m constantly compromising myself to avoid conflict, and I’m not sure how to approach this situation without making things worse. Has anyone else gone through something similar? How do you know if it’s time to move on, or if these feelings are just a phase?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Specific situations:

When I was first getting into a relationship with my girlfriend after not going to my 4 year college I decided to sign up for a community college and then her parents basically forced me to sit with them and talked to me about having money to take care of my girlfriend and how I need to step up and probably not go to college cause it costs money and you don't even know if you're gonna like it and then they said that if I want to go I need to make sure that it's something good and they also wanted to look at my bank account and see how much money I had and then later her dad made me save up for my own car and wanted to take me to get it and said only talk to him not my own family and my girlfriend backed them up.

I know this is a bad example but as a larger example I used to smoke weed and when we started dating I discovered that she hates it and basically forced me to quit and I understand that it's not necessarily a healthy thing but I also feel like it's my choice what I do and it's not fair for her to do that to me

TL;DR: I (20M) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for two years and once thought I wanted to marry her, but now I feel conflicted. She shuts down or gets mad when I express different opinions, and I feel like I need her approval to make decisions. She also doesn’t want to work, putting financial pressure on me, and talks badly about my parents, which hurts me. I love her, but I’m not ready to settle down and want to experience my 20s. I’m scared of breaking her heart and disappointing my family, but I’m feeling trapped. Not sure how to handle this situation—any advice?