Obviously, I have to hide it better at 29. Any stupid mistake will now bleed into my professional life. And in this world and at my age where I won't be given grace because I am now older, I feel the pressure the maintain a public image.

And that public image extends to my family.

Yes, I still have my "card". I now just have the necessary resources to move out on my own. I am craving for freedom and the experiences I never really got to have at 16, 19, and 21.

That being said it honestly saddens me that those experiences aren't really there anymore. So, I am trying to seek out adult experiences that are the best equivalent to it even though it's not remotely the same experience at all. I plan to move to a shared living community soon cause I didn't get to dorm in college. I really wish I got to be part of Greek life in college but I just have to accept there isn't really an adult equivalent.

And as I didn't get to study abroad, I'm intrigued by staying in hostels a few times a year before I turn 40. And I'm intrigued by raves as I was not the type to be invited to house parties either. And yeah most controversial yet, I am researching how the escort game works. I also want to experiment with party drugs but safely of course.

So any advice needed on how to seek hedonistic things now that I'm an adult. I don't have much of a choice either way. I can't change my age and in regards to dating and friendships, I've accepted that I am not really interested in that any longer. I didn't have those typical youthful friendships when I was younger.

And admittedly, friendships as an adult being very different nature in comparison to when we were kids plays a part. They're just not the same and in my eyes, they'll never be the friendships I desire them to be. If you think that's unfair, so be it. But I'm just not intrigued at all. I am however willing to seek "party acquaintances".

And as a guy that's never had a partner, I just find romantic relationships at my age from outside looking in, exhausting.

So, what is my goal? I just want to find fun things of my own that will give me some semblance of a youth and 20s I never really got to have. I have no desire to have kids so. I'm willing to give everything a try.