Basically the above. If my demographics matter to you, I am 36, male, a writer and teacher by trade, and live in a bigger city on the west coast of the USA. I am not particularly shy and I find it easy to make friendly acquaintances and find activity partners. I date and have pretty decent romantic relationships. I go to therapy and find it useful. My self-care is pretty good. By most metrics, I am fairly well-adjusted. But when it comes to forming deeper friendships where we offer more substantial support to one another, I am at a total loss.

As far as I can tell, none of my casual friends seem to have the time or interest to go deeper. They are too busy with their job or kids or blog or garden or spiritual practices or whatever their miscellaneous commitments are. I don't begrudge them any of these things, people have lives, but I wonder why so few show the desire to be deeply seen and heard. I seem to never meet other adults who want to process like I do, and who are willing to actively and consistently prioritize simple acts of connection like conversation over a meal or going for a walk in the park. It seems like they simply do not bother to put in any effort to connect to anyone outside of their immediate family, partner, or co-workers/co-hobbyists. When I bring this up, I mostly get responses of friendly indifference or pity, and I often wind up feeling vaguely shamed for my desires. This baffles me, because I really crave more space to talk things through with other humans, and I can't be the only one!

I know some of this has to do with the national culture of toxic independence I live in, but that's not a fully satisfying answer for me. Every culture has its strong and weak areas. I've even thought about emigrating to live in a more community-oriented national culture (Scandinavia and parts of Africa have caught my interest), but I think the most satisfying outcome would be to find solutions within the culture I'm already familiar with.

What do you think, redditors? Thanks for reading!