Alright. I'll be clean and honest right now. I don't think I've ever struggled more than I have right now. Everytime I have something fun planned for the next day I relapse into porn again and it puts my mind in the gutter for a day. After the next day I get home and find myself on it again, having no strength to fight it. It's like whatever demon that's been ruining me has tattooed itself on me and no matter how much or what I do I cannot defeat it. When I ask the LORD for help I know He combats it, but it feels like I'm helping the enemy win whenever I relapse back into it. This evil that's on me and that shoves me constantly in the gutter I wish I never knew it. Hell I would've preferred smoking or alchohol over a damn porn addiction, but right now, I'm hoping that all of these trials with porn that I'm facing right now help to pay off in the near future or before Jesus returns if the time is right, cause right now I'm feeling pretty awful before God and looking at myself.

I proclaim aloud that I love you Lord, and it breaks my heart every time I find out I've or do things that disappointed you. I pray that I can remain sober minded and strongly equipped with my faith in You and Your word as this battle rages on, and that my and our hearts may not be distant from you. In Jesus name, Amen.