On August 17th, I stopped PMOing. The 1st couple days are no problem: You get your last release out and then you begin your journey in stride right? I won't lie, I look at images, gifs, and videos more often than I should, however, I don't & won't release myself to them no matter how intense my libido is after viewing it.

I want to stay dedicated to the cause and ween myself off over time instead of cutting myself off cold turkey. Every time I've stopped abruptly, I jump right back in and binge for the weekend, losing all sense of drive, motivation, and focus to take care of business. I recognize this path isn't for everyone, but for me I want to prove to myself that 6 months from August, I have conquered that urge using the structure I need to conquer it.

Even tonight, I went and found every NSFW subreddit that is to my taste. The tabs were plentiful and when I was done, I felt greater energy surging through me, the urge to MO was high, but afterwards I still denied myself an escape. Escape..I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I want to stop trying to escape from the life I lead. Instead, I'll face the things I've been too cowardly, too defeated, too passive aggressive, too indecisive, and too disconnected from myself to realize that I have the power & dedication within myself to succeed despite my faults. I've purely justified & convinced myself my behaviors are ok, so long as I downplay the ramifications of being undisciplined in the face of temptation. That cycle has repeated itself ever since I was 11, freshly exposed to the almighty P and it has subtly sabotaged my ability to enjoy the life I have & can lead to a better place.

I'm thinking during this, I'll be able to develop, uncover, and genuinely utilize the qualities of my stronger self that have been deadened by the cycle of PMO. There's a lot of events & people I can blame instead of holding myself accountable and seeing that where I'm at is because of me. However, that's counter-productive. I believe this is a chance for me to turn my psyche around. To get out of this cynical mindset and perspective that plagues all my thoughts on the daily. Instead, I can embody who I truly am without the constant shame, envy, jealousy, and hatred for being where & who I am in my life when I have the strength to turn my situation around. It's weird how scary that sounds; to dive deep within and bring out that greater self after all this time being hardwired & enslaved to PMO driven behavior.

I think this is the opportunity to close the gap on potential & reality and I'm going to go for it the way I believe I need to. I'll do it this way. That way I can prove it to the person that it needs to matter to. Me.

Good fortune, discipline, and liberation to you all!