If my counter shows over a year, please disregard. Truthfully, I had not committed to this or bothered updating it. My current streak is only about a week; I don't specifically remember.

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I'm struggling today. I feel stressed. I feel anxiety. I feel bored. I feel depressed. My coping mechanism has always been PMO, but I'm trying to fight it. Admittedly, I put porn on for a few minutes, but I shut it off. I want to have a breakthrough.

I work remote and it gives me so much time to myself. I recently was offered an opportunity for a part-time position that requires public speaking. However, I feel my public speaking has diminished since working remote. For this reason I start to doubt myself and have anxiety about moving forward. You might be wondering why they offered me the position? Without the pressure, I was trying to be a social person and attending this place just about every day for a few months. Yes, I'm being coy about it. If you're wondering what it is, let's just say I have to motivate a group of people and bring high energy. I'm going to do it because I need to accept the quote "if it doesn't challenge you, it doesn't change you." I need change and this is my opportunity.

When it comes to relationships- I was at a big event yesterday and I felt like the only single person there. It sucks being around couples and not being able to share fun experiences with someone. I was talking to a girl and things have seemed to just fizzle out. Maybe it's me, but she does have things going on and I don't think I fit in right now. The problem is we go to this same place daily and since I want it to be a good environment I am friendly with her there.

Overall I didn't mean to write this to seek therapy for girl trouble. I think just the weight of everything has made me feel really down today and I could feel myself turning to PMO, but again, I want to fight it. Frankly, I didn't know where else to turn. After I shut the porn off I tried music, I tried motivational speeches on Youtube(which were working the last few days). However, nothing was working today. So here I am. Writing this makes me feel better.