Hi there my fellow fapstronauts,

128 days PMO free here. I have MO'ed 1 month ago, but that was without porn so I don't consider it to be that bad (my main focus is to get rid of my PMO addiction).

Anyways, I'm writing this post because in a way I sort of miss porn. I mean, basically it's the only version of sexual gratification I know, and I have gotten so (badly) used to it over time, that is about 8 years. Also I haven't replaced it with anything else so it makes it harder. I don't have a partner and it sucks.

Don't get me wrong, it does get easier over time. By now, in a way, I am disgusted by porn (on a conscious level at least). My daily routine is merely disturbed by porn thoughts. However, on a subconscious level I feel like I am still simply turned on by porn and highly attracted/addicted to it. I learned to control the immediate urge but on a more general level I miss it. I truly do and it saddens me. I feel damaged. So, yeah, the urge and desire are still alive, even if not as active and intense. I would like to know if other people here can identify with this.

This isn't a cry for help, nor do I feel like I am going to relapse. What keeps me going is optimism; the idea that things will get better and I will have sex with someone eventually. Luckily for me I have hopes and that idea keeps me going strong. I will use this opportunity to say that I can't put into words how much I appreciate this community. I don't come here that often, but the idea, in and by itself gives me power. I truly feel like we are helping each other, even if not in a direct way. The fact that there are so many people on this site, all working towards a similar goal makes this all easier and more meaningful, and beautiful in a way.

Good luck to y'all and godspeed