Sometimes I read posts on here talking about how someone relapsed and upon reflection "they didn't even really even enjoy it."

Bullshit.

My last relapse taught me a very important truth: PM is the best fucking thing in the world. There is no drug you can buy with money that feels as good as a long edging session along with novel, enticing, heart-pumping videos. God, I love it; It's the best.

Which is why I can't do it anymore. The truth is hard drugs like cocaine and meth make you feel fucking amazing too, but it sincerely ruins people's lives by trading responsibility for pleasure, control for panic; turning one into an obsessed, self-serving, lifeless shell of a human.

The 2-3 days following my last binge proves that PMO does the same thing. My life energy was zapped; I became a far less present, less connected, less loving person and wasn't nearly as on-point with doing the things I knew I needed to do.

I'm not saying PMO is sin-incarnate and that it's the cause of all of your problems, but what I AM saying is not to underestimate the loss of your life force, your masculine energy, your sexual power, your internal fuel.

Tonight I had a strong urge to look up videos online and revel in the juicy enjoyment of PM. But I thought about that loss of drive and I remembered an old definition of self-discipline: it's not about denying yourself a pleasure, it's about choosing a better/higher/deeper desire OVER your superficial desire in that moment.

And I'm telling you it is more desirous to be a bold, courageous, strong, artful man - full of presence and purpose and direction and love - than to continually dip back down into that steep, greedy downward spiral of flat, dispassionate, self-medicated pleasure.

Which will YOU decide?