Hi fellow fapstronauts. I'd like to open up and share my story of how I became a porn addict in case anyone is interested. I'm a 23 yo from sweden and I've probably had this problem about as long as I can remember but never before acknowledged it. I still remember my first time masturbating to some late night show with sexual content at the age of 12 or so. I was intrigued by it and started fapping several times a day right of the bat. Then it just kept going and I've kind of always thought that it was okay on a rational level. I mean that's what everyone said. It's not dangerous. Althought the shame and guilt has been there ever since my early teens.

With the introduction of high speed internet at my home when I was about 14-15 I started looking into internet porn. I still remember my dad caught me the very first time. Since then it's always been a constant battle of hiding my internet activities. Today from my fiancee, and not my parents obviously.

I think when it at first became a serious problem was at the age of seventeen. I had a bad breakup with a girl I really liked because I had cheated on her with my ex. Not because I wanted to really, but I was just so afraid of getting rejected that saw to it to put put myself in a position where I thought I wasn't vulnerable. Was I wrong. It was so dumb and in my shame and guilt I turned to porn. I thought it good to focus on something else, on other girls, I remember.

In hindsight I realize I was probably depressed and later became addicted to cannabis for some two years, and when I finally quit I turned to other things. Alcohol sure but for the most part, without realizing it, internet porn. Everytime I was feeling anxiety I escaped into porn. And for me like so many other before me it escalated, I started both spending more time on it and more and more rapidly advancing to more extreme scenes. I always wanted more.

I had had no problem with girls really since middle school but in my twenties I started feeling distanced and estranged from girls and eventually had to admit to myself that I wasn't as popular with girls as I had grown accustomed to. This drove me further into my PMO-addiction and when I met my now girlfriend of two years I started having some PE and ED problems which was something entirely new to me. I had better and worse days but after a couple of months and with help of using Cialis and Viagra for some time it got a bit better. Although vaginal sex is still not what it used to be and I learned only today about the effects of the death grip.

Because of this me and my gf aren't having vaginal sex very much and very often which is sometimes very disappointing for her. That hurts me. We have actually come to watch a lot of porn together and I wanted to ask you guys for advice about this. It's somewhat of a distress for her periodically when she keeps thinking she's not good enough and all, but most of the time she enjoys it. But sadly I think she knows probably better than me that porn or at least fantasizing of rather weird stuff together with her is what really gets me going. Plain sex just doesn't do it if I'm not really in the mood in the first place.

The thing is, I'm not setting out for an entire reboot. Not yet at least. After doing some research my conclusion is I believe in the dopamine-related issues of it. But my gf craves sex and I can't deny her that for so long, it would put too much stress on our relationship. I am not telling my girlfriend about my problem simply because I'm too ashamed of it and I already told her I quit, although truth is I just got better at hiding it.

So should I refrain from watching porn with my gf too? Should we not be fantasizing of group sex and stuff together? If I can't reboot, is there any meaning I try and have as little sex as possible?

Anyway this became quite a long post and it's probably a mess but I'm just happy to let it all out and hope someone takes the time to read it maybe.

I haven't talked so much about my current situation despite the long post but anyway, this is my first day and just a couple of hours ago I edged. Again. At work. I heard about all this only a week or so ago at another site and this is actually my second attempt. I went hardmode for 4 days and the surge hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. Right now I'm thinking about aiming at 7 days hardmode and then no porn or masturbation for 30 days for a start.

Our time for change, has come.