I started out like any budding teenager, taking care of myself on a regular (daily, if not multiple times a day) basis because let's face it, it felt good. This has lasted up until today, with me fapping essentially whenever I was bored cause I had nothing else better to do and whats better than instant gratification? I also kept it up as I heard/read somewhere that edging will help me last longer in the bedroom. I was never that good with women (even though they made up most of my group of friends); nothing ever seemed to work out with any previous girlfriends and I chalked it up to us not being compatible. Recently though I think I was just in denial that PMO was affecting me and my relationships.

I've been dating the love of my life for the past 6 months now, and honestly it's been the longest relationship I've ever been in. She's my best friend, soulmate, and love of my life. The first four months of our relationship was long-distance and it sucked, but we knew we were in love and we couldn't wait for me to move down and to live with each other. At first things were awesome, it seemed like nothing had changed from our friendship in college. Over the past month though, things have been getting tense between us. We've gotten in a few fights, and though not screaming matches by any means, but it's over silly stupid stuff that I never thought would happen. I've been telling myself that it's because this is my first real relationship with someone so I'm still learning, but at the same time I should know better since we have known each other and have been best friends for three years now. We've never fought or been mad at or really even annoyed with each other before, but it's been happening more frequently lately. I've been out of work since I moved down a month and a half ago, so that leaves me home by myself bored, so what do I do to pass the time? PMO. I'm tired of that being my go to activity for when I'm bored.

We have a great life in the bedroom, but I do get mild ED in the middle of things some times and I think my habits are to blame. I haven't been acting like the man I said and thought I was going to be, and my denial with fapping and PMO have been blinding me to face the fact that I need to cut this out of my life. I've become complacent in my life and with everything I said I'd do for her when I moved down. She tells me that she doesn't feel like I accept her unconditional love, and I'm starting to realize the things I'm doing (well, not doing) that makes her feel that way. Some of my comments have made her feel unattractive (led to a fight) and under-appreciated, and I feel like the biggest pile of crap now because I've let her and myself down. It just seems like I said all those things when we were long-distance to keep stringing her along, which is so far from the truth. I need to change, and I plan on telling her my plans soon since we're still getting over a disagreement at the moment, so I don't want it seem like I'm just trying anything to fix it and that I'm trying to fix myself to make things between us like they used to be

Sorry for the wall of text, but needed to tell my story and reasons to you all so I could see them all for myself and further strengthen my resolve to finally achieve this. Thanks for listening, and here's to a new beginning

*edited to include a few more reasons/rationalizations for my addiction, and some grammar/spelling