When I was younger, I was introduced to pornography and it led me to develop this sort of parasocial bond with porn stars and pornography in general.

Im now 28 and in the past eight years or so I have engaged promiscuously with five pornstars. I live in Florida, and so many of them work here.

Only one of them is sort of famous, she worked for Reality Kings, and the other ones are independent porn stars who have Only Fans, post videos on those more popular websites, and engage in escort service.

But I never really bonded with them in person, I never really liked the ambience things were in. Just for reference, you may look up how Stormy Daniels did a 'strip club tour' in the middle of the Trump presidency and I myself went to see her simply because of the 'prestige' of her name.

Do you see how absurd I am? I can't do this anymore.

Do I get along with these women? Not really.

Im polite, I make jokes, but it's just a job for them and I never really connected with any of them beyond the sexual level, beyond the level of sexual objectification.

Yet I always come back to them, I see them as sexual liberation itself, as 'no strings attached', and many writers in the past have also delved of this topic such as the old poets and painters.

Now, how does this relate to fap? Well, I fap to them and then have the desire to meet them and connect with them online after I saved some money from my disposable income.

Sad, isn't it? Pathetic honestly.

I turn 29 next month. I think it's finally time to stop. It's time for me to become mature and that starts with dropping porn.