I'm 24 and probably I have ED caused by too much porn, I think it started 6 years ago, that porn caused to believe me a "sissy" for years and had so many cringe kinks growing every year, from feet to humiliation, sph and other things, fuck my asshole too, and I didn't fap normally (I fapped like a clit) but then I realized I was fucked up and needed to heal from all of that.
I know I like girls, but in those times I was like hypnotized but now when I see a girl I don't feel horny and I'm confused if I like them or not now, I know I'm not gay because men disgust me (No Homophobic). I don't feel pleasure for years on my penis, it was completely desensitized and I don't even know what horny means anymore.
I went to an andrologist and he said I should take tadalafil 5 mg for 3 months every day and fap every day and do shock waves with low intensity once a week for 6 weeks.
Anyway, I'm not sure, I don't want to take them, I take one and I had many strong erections during the day, but then I stopped and I feel like I can't get fully hard, after 48 hours of taking the pill I masturbated twice this morning even though I was not fully hard, I think I'm obsessed and I can't think of anything else but to regain my normal erections.
I have this anxiety that tells me it will be the same with a girl, I don't want to become dependent on the pills, I go to the gym 3 times a week, I never drink, and never smoked in my entire life.
I'm a student, and most of the time my life is sedentary except the 3 times I go to the gym.
I'm 173 cm for 79 kg and I'm trying to lose weight by eating less.
I'm scared I have ADHD, probably because when I'm on PC, I have 2 screens, one playing the other one for some video, then my phone scrolling.
Now for 2 days, I started to throw away my phone when I'm on PC and have only one screen on and focus only on one task, even though I feel hyperactive.
Started reading books, and spending more time in the sun, but my anxiety is still there, I'm scared that I can never heal from ed, and I can't focus on any tasks anymore and my energy is going down and I really feel depressed and suicidal these days but I want my life back, I wasted 5-6 years of my life and I wish to heal from all of this pain.
Probably I missed something, but I'm feeling more and more apathetic to life, don't feel any more emotions, but my journey starts here, I don't know If I will stop from fapping, but I won't use anymore porn, hentai and sex chatbot. If I have to do that I'll do it with my imagination if I ever feel the urge (I hope I can feel that, it's been years I don't feel that).
My healing journey begins here, hoping to recover myself from all these stupid kinks, dopamine, anxiety, adhd and ED and feel like a normal man