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I’ve been on a major relapse the past few months. I’ve looked at porn almost every day accompanied with masterbation, and even sexting. I’ve found that while sexting, it was hard for me to stay hard, so I would always watch porn afterwards to finish.
Tonight I was sexting with a girl and she offered to come give me a bj. I told her yes, but had flashbacks to a few months back when I couldn’t cum while having sex for the first time with a tinder girl, and the trauma and embarrassment from that. I eventually messaged her again and opened up to her and said this
“I really want you to come over, but also I have recently been super desensitized to porn. I’m a porn addict and it’s honestly messing with my head a lot, and I lost my virginity a few months back but couldn’t cum and it was a really traumatic experience not gonna lie. So maybe let’s wait a bit longer. I’m sorry to do this to you, I just couldn’t live with myself if that happened again not gonna lie.”
She seemed chill about it and understanding. But now I’m sitting up in bed thinking about how I can fix myself, and I don’t even know where to start. I need therapy and accountability but I don’t have enough money or insurance to cover any. Any advice?
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- 8 months ago
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