Hey everyone!

I've (23M) recently started to understand how strong my masturbation addiction is. Always thought that it was related to just getting a jerk. However, I now realize that its mostly a dopamine rush that I was seeking.

I have been quite ignorant my entire life. Unable to tap into my subconscious mind, I've failed to just stop and think about a lot of things until very recently.

Succumbing to masturbation always feels like I'm allowing my brain to rot away. My ability to think diminishes drastically. The best way to describe it would be, a zombie eating my brain slowly but surely as I go on about my day.

I'm aware of how capable I am in terms of thinking and just being the best version of myself. But I seem to "nerf" myself a lot with fapping to the point where I feel disgusted with myself. Noticed how my speech is affected because I can't think straight. Now, I'm also very incapable of articulating my own thoughts into words that even I can understand. It has become very frustrating.

For the past 6 months, I've been carefully examining myself whenever I get the urge to fap; noted my triggers and eliminated a few. It is during this period where I thought about how and why I keep having the urge to fap. It is also when I fully accepted that what I have is an addiction and to treat it otherwise would be detrimental for my own well being.

I've always wanted to write and share my story on this subreddit and I didn't know why I've never done it. But I think this is the right time. I'm done allowing myself feel like absolute shit and I want to take control over my life because I'm the only person capable of doing so.

Thank you for reading! I hope my writing made sense hahaha