So last night my girlfriend and I decided to take a couple drops out of a fresh vial together and my goodness, it was the most magical 6 hours of tripping I've ever had. Our humor and sharing of insights and fits of laughter were flowing like a waterfall. On top of that when we started making out we both shared a thought that if we took it THERE we'd probably create the fuckin big bang with that amount of passion firing up.

But then I went wrong. Almost every time I have done nitrous I pass out and fall over and have hitnmy head before and she's had to witness it. Looking back in should've never tried nitrous again after the first time. But here we are, a lot of acid deep and I fuckin do it and I was apparently unresponsive for a while and when I came back I immediately was able to see from her perspective and feeling of seeing her man go into that state and that I immediately was ashamed of myself.

This immediately triggered a PTSD episode and bad trip. I have recently gotten used to noticing when something triggers her and being her rock and anchor to pull her back to the present but as the trigger has never been ME, I was at a loss over what to even do or say to help besides give her a benzo to slow the racing thoughts, changed the music and make hot tea while she did a bunch of our k stash to try and disassociate to get away from the thoughts she was having.

What she needed the whole time was for me to actually start speaking and self reflecting out loud so that my oath to never touch it again didn't seem hollow and that I recognized how deeply I affected the person I care more about than anyone else in this world. I finally got it and we were able to move forward, and from there we got the good vibes back but it was a good 2 hours of working through the trauma that I had just had the audacity to cause.

Thankfully we did eventually find our way to that big bang I'm happy to say lol. It was one of the most cathartic moments of our lives together, and the legitimate appreciation, respect, and faith that this woman has for me brought me to tears. We've come out of it stronger than ever and I came out of it learned a really valuable lesson as as man, and that's 2 part. Before you trip, make sure you make a note of things or substances that should be off limits to you for whatever reason and don't be so spun you aren't being considerate of potential things like this

And two, when your fuckin ride or die partner is having a bad trip, you gotta man the fuck up and work through your own shit and start doing whatever needs to be done to help out. My paralysis to speak let this go on for 2 hours when I really do realize I could've handled it better.

Love your partners, trust your partners, appreciate the fuck out of them and if you get called out on something, they're most likely just looking out for you. Be conscious of your actions at all times especially if there is trauma involved.

I really hope that this can in some way help or resonate with anyone else who's ever had a particularly heavy trip with their lover.

Love and light to all of you!